various conversations and other things influencing me now >> running themes: entitlement, guilt

JT: several. One last night about intelligence being a tool and not an end, though I barely heard because I was mostly asleep.  I think he was going through again a stage we both had to reach through humiliating experiences, after going through elementary school with everyone telling us we were smart.  Or maybe another reference to how intelligence is use less without focus, meaning my ADD and first grade knowledge of basically every subject.

Shelby: reassuring me about bread ethics, bra sizes, boyfriends

Madre: A long conversation in the car about affairs and why people do bad things.  (Her: to reaffirm to themselves they are still bad.)  It gave much depth to my perspective of my mother because I imagined her at her worst although she has always seemed quite strong to me.  The conversation (a series, actually after):

A short text message interaction about Jens Lekman: Which left me feeling intensely guilty for imaginary reasons.  A similar example is the time I stayed up all night in the fifth grade because I was worried about my future self not having the capacity to refuse drugs.  Andrew stepbrother says the existential term is angst.

Rhonda bosslady: calls blackberries Bioaccumulators (or maybe I just made that up) and "any woman of childbearing age shouldn't pick and eat blackberries around town unless she wants the evidence on her ovaries."

Carl Sagan: the lost library of alexandria, a six hundred year old metropolis, a speck of dust on the cosmic horizon.  In juxtaposition with headlines I read today about riots in egypt about the military coup to oust the first democratically elected president - current death toll in a week is higher than six hundred

Basically everyone: I tell about Glinda Bridgforth, and how she preaches the attitude of financial abundance.  I examine my finances and see they have the potential for anything I want.  Could I swing a new macbook after a couple months of saving? Totally.  Later I go to work and resent it and remember what people go to work for, and find buying things to be connected with less free time, and I find I value free time above all.  Later I go to the outdoor store sidewalk sale and find that buy-one-get-one free jacket - one sale jacket - is totally out of my price range.  Forget this, I'll take my sense of abundance to the beach and read Cosmos.

another list:
Things I want to do on my last week of summer instead of going camping
1. see buddy reed and the rip it ups blues night at bear river casino
2. fix my bike
3. go to the river
4. have a good riddance summer no one gives a shit about you anyway potluck
5. write a song with things divined from my subconscious.  so, meditate