selfish and selfless. examples, no conclusions.

I'm thinking often about selfishness.  Have I stumbled through most of my life being mainly accountable to my wants? of course.  Carol and Jason were in my (our) kitchen last night preaching selfishness- Carol, through marriages and dependent children, Jason on behalf of his capitalistic ideals he's testing out as a fervent young adult.

I saw my brother andrew two weeks ago.  He has no friends these days despite being charismatic as ever, though a little more serious.  They take too much maintenance, he says.  I was staying at the one bedroom house he shares with my brother tony - like bert and ernie.  Before I fell asleep on the sectional couch they found on the road and tony and andrew argued about lights out, I told andrew that I noticed he seemed more serious.  He grew concerned and the next morning asked me if I thought he should put bologna in his shoe.

I told them all they'd regret their selfishness.  I am thinking often about selfishness.  JT said when we were talking about this that the luxury of being alone is you get to do whatever you want, but you have to be alone.
I am sometimes bratty about not getting to do whatever I want.  I wrote this at work, I was very angry:
"Like many, many women I know, I'm questioning very strongly how much of a man I need in my life.  I've been dating now for ten years and I find it impossible to ignore a slowly accumulating resentment.  That which makes me feminine and attractive is the same that keeps me from being taken seriously.  In my natural biological interest, I return again and again to deference of my body and mouth and time.  Allowing my partner's assertiveness, I find after a time I have no idea what I think or like, that my will and feelings are fanciful and idyllic.  Naturally the answer is to be more assertive, but I am not sure that I want my life to be a fight.  If I ever get married it will be the beginning of the biggest sacrifices I will ever make. "
This is quite strange to read this, since only two days removed I feel none of those things and it seems like someone else wrote it.  

A very nice friend told me that she almost always knows when she is being taken advantage of, and that it happens frequently.  I can't stop thinking about this, both because she has cultivated enough nice to be gratuitous, and because she enjoys being the secret witness to loud, busy, fumbling greed unfolding.